Conflicted.

I live a conflicted life.

For example:

Part of me wants to work hard to build up some savings and pay off our car debts. Both our prior vehicles went to the junkyard within four months of each other, and we felt going into debt to buy vehicles was necessary since Matt's work is 20+ minutes from home and he works crazy hours. (Not to mention the fact that I would go INSANE being cooped up indoors long-term.) I genuinely enjoy listening/reading stuff by Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman about saving money. I get pumped up to curb my spending.

But I'm also ridden with guilt, because...

The other (usually more volatile) part of me wants to finally do a little home decorating. I went the first six years of our marriage buying next to nothing in that department, and the slightly selfish/materialistic me thinks, "It's about time I get to do this!" My dreams aren't too far-fetched, usually. I want stuff like more garbage cans (cute ones please), coat hooks (must also be cute) to hang by our garage door so I'm not racing around to find coats every time we leave the house, and bar stools so we can sit at the counter. I also want to paint our upstairs, get a bedroom light, a fence, a blind for our patio door, curtains, and an outdoor toy of some sort so the kiddos actually have something to do when they go outside.

See the dilemma? Should I really not get bar stools for the next X amount of months because I'm paying off our vehicles? How do you handle these types of situations?

A friend told me this experience a long time ago. It's stuck with me, and I thought it applicable to share (in hopes that I'll remember this more).

A friend of a friend once wanted new couches really bad. But she'd have had to go into debt to buy the couches. The more she thought about what she wanted, the uglier and older her current couches looked. After having her "hideous" couches nag at her for quite some time, she started praying that her desire for new couches would go away. And it did.

Good to remember; probably even better to practice.

Next example:

Regular exercise is a necessity for me. It has to be a quality workout or it doesn't count. I cannot tell you how many times I've been stressed out or upset at Matt, and a good run has alleviated my concerns. A friend of mine claims that regular exercise has saved her thousands of dollars on therapy bills. The same could be true for me, I'm sure.

However, since becoming a mom I've found working out easier said than done. I feel like I've tried everything in the book a) a jogging stroller, b) work out DVDs while kids are sleeping, c) arranging my workouts around my husband's exercise and work schedule, and d) getting a gym membership.

All have worked with varying levels of success/enjoyment. None alone are a complete win-win in my book, but the gym has been my most successful option. However, I'm often ridden with guilt for leaving my kids in another person's care while I exercise, and I feel like I should be doing something fun with my kids during that mid-morning time frame.

I hope I've now found a method that works well for me.

I recently began teaching a couple group exercise classes at the Y, so I now have access to a gym. Hurray! Two or three days a week I'll work out at the gym then take the kids to the indoor playground that's there (think McDonald's but a million times cooler). Ready for the rockin' bonus: almost all the other mom's there are in workout clothes and sporting a ponytail, too. That means I don't have to shower until naptime! (Getting ready while my kids are in childcare adds guilt, hassle, and messes up my baby's feedings.) Win for the mama. Win for the kiddos. The other days I'll try to get a workout in at home before the kids wake, and on these days we'll go to the library, the museum, and to play dates.

How do you handle working out? Do you feel "mom guilt" ever? I try not to, but it seems like there's always something that I should be doing better or differently with my children. I tried to explain the "gym guilt" I feel to Matt the other night, and he thought feeling guilty about it was unnecessary.

A friend of mine posted recently about being a fun mom versus a functional mom. It spoke to me, so if you're feeling "Mom Guilt" check it out. On the other hand, if you want to feel money guilt, here's a free downloadable audio lesson by Dave Ramsey, Dumping Debt. It's actually quite good.